You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
