she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
soo... how was my night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
