Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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