I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
