dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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