If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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