I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
