I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
