Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"