Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.