So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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