I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now