Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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