Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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