the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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