hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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