Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
