I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
