he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He passed out mid-signature
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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