As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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