Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
