So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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