Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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