My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am mentally ready for anal.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
