don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
