I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
