Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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