ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
