I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
