best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
