Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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