i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
