Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
