I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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