finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize