I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
