I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
