so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
