made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
