the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
