I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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