we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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