What a fucking waste of an outfit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
