Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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