If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
