i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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