In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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