The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
