Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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