Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
