I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
