he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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