The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
