We're facebook friends in real life
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
