Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
