i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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