The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
