I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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