Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
