If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
