just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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