K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
