Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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