he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
