She said her name was "party"
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
