Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
