im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
