how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
