Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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