After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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