My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
