I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
