i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
