nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
