How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
