I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
