Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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