I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
