Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
