apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
