If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
